The Americans With No Abilities Act
The Americans With No Abilities Act
Washington, DC - (Dateline March 9, 2009)
President Barack Obama and the Democrat-controlled Congress are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer - Democrat. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over... With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."
Under AWNAA, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?"
"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,"said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey. "This new law should be real good for people like me," Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Senator Dick Durbin (Democrat-IL), "As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our sworn duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."
Washington, DC - (Dateline March 9, 2009)
President Barack Obama and the Democrat-controlled Congress are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer - Democrat. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over... With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."
Under AWNAA, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?"
"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,"said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey. "This new law should be real good for people like me," Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Senator Dick Durbin (Democrat-IL), "As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our sworn duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."
Zack, Zack, Zack
Saturday, after the yard sale, my mom and I went to watch Zack play soccer. He personally invited us! His game started at 1pm and so, being behind schedule, we arrived on the soccer field at 1:30pm, figuring that we'd catch the final half of his game. We were wrong. We got there in time to watch Zack finish eating his Doritos and cheer on his other team mates in the final 5 minutes of the game. During which Zack's team scored two goals -- on themselves. Did I mention they are all only 5. Apparently at this age they are still learning the fundamentals of the game.Anyways, Zack was excited to see us and we promised to attend another game so that we could actually see him play.
Of course, I did find time to whip out the old camera and take some shots.
I wanted to tell you a few of the reasons why I LOVE ZACK:- Zack is passionate about everything he does. He throws his whole heart and soul into each activity he participates in.
- Zack can focus on a project with unbelievable single mindedness. When he puts together his amazing Lego creations he can focus for hours. It is remarkable.
- Zack always has a hug for me.
- Zack as the best smile. It spreads from ear to ear.
- When Zack was a baby he had the biggest cheeks of any baby I have ever seen. We used to love squeezing them.
- Zack a wonderful little boy and we are very lucky to have him in our family!
It's For Sale. It's All for Sale.
Saturday morning was the community wide yard sale for the community in which my parents live. I took a few things over and then helped my mom and dad a bit. This years yard sale attendance was rather disappointing. There was one year we made over $300 and with the money bought a new garage door. Not the case this year. Reed and Jamie brought their kids over, along with a truck load of stuff for sale. We set everything up in mom and dad's drive way. Jamie and I thought that we had the best stuff, after we went around the block to check out the other neighbors stuff.
My dad always reminds me that you know you're on the bottom rung of the economic/social/cultural ladder when you have a yard sale to get rid of your junk and no one wants anything. :( So either our lack of traffic was related to our slide down the ladder or the ladder has shrunk
by several rungs, and is now more like one of those step stools we have in the bathroom for the kids to stand on to wash their hands...the whole world is on the same bottom step. Hmmmm????Anyways, regardless of the lack of economic gain, we managed to have some fun. Yard sales always mean that we sit around in the garage on lawn chairs, talking and eating, waiting for people to come and look at our junk. Saturday mornings menu consisted of leftover cheese dip with tostada shell chips (mom didn't have any tortilla chips so she baked the tostada shells and then we broke them up), and a delicious banana cake with cream cheese frosting that mom made. Oh and diet root beer and hot chocolate. Yum...as you can tell it's pretty much a food free-for-all.
Here are are few other photos from that morning.
Reed
Kaylie and Grandma Schaub
So of course we took the kids around the block to check out the other yard sale participants and like most kids they couldn't wait to spend some money, and it didn't really matter what it was on...spoons, old stuff animals, cars, a scale. However, Audrey did zero in on one item at the first place we stopped and Reed just couldn't resist buying it for her. What do you think??
How Much for the Red Sparkly Shoes?
That's what the woman asked me at my folk's yard sale yesterday. "How much for the red sparkly shoes?" When I look down at my niece Audrey's old red glitter mary-jane I remembered all of the times she would come running into my parents house on Sunday evening to stick out her toes and say "Look at my shooooes." She loved that they were red, loved that they sparkled, and loved the attention she got when she wore them.Saturday morning was the big community yard sale day. I went over to my parents to help them out. My brother Reed and his wife Jamie (they are professional yard salers -- they know everything there is to know about the sport) brought over the kids along with their sale items. As Jamie was putting out the shoes, she told me that she had a difficult discussion with Audrey about putting up her favorite shoes for sale, because they no longer fit her. It dawned on me that all the kids are growing up so fast. It's hard to see them out grow things, activities, and clothes.
The woman asking about the shoes mentioned that she had a 3 year old daughter who loved to play dress up and the shoes would be perfect. I smiled and told her $2 and she took them. I hope her daughter gets as much enjoyment out of them as Audrey did.
Ethan's Pinewood Derby
A super quick post, cuz it's been a while...My nephew Ethan had his Pinewood Derby last Saturday. He was soo excited. Grandma Schaub painted his car for him...guess what he named it
"Mario Kart".
Ethan's car came in first at the ward level, Yahoo!! So Saturday evening he competed against all the other ward derby winners. I was able to go and cheer him on. Here are a few photos from that night.
Ethan and his mom.
I am so proud of Ethan and all of his hard work. I thought he showed great sportsmanship as he cheered on his fellow scouts.
Thanks Ethan for inviting me to watch. I sure had fun!
"Mario Kart".Ethan's car came in first at the ward level, Yahoo!! So Saturday evening he competed against all the other ward derby winners. I was able to go and cheer him on. Here are a few photos from that night.
Ethan and his mom.
I am so proud of Ethan and all of his hard work. I thought he showed great sportsmanship as he cheered on his fellow scouts.
Thanks Ethan for inviting me to watch. I sure had fun!
A Feast for the Senses -- My New Food Blog
I've decided to move all of my food blogging to a separate blog. As I looked back over my blog it would seem that every other post is about food, so I'm going to move that topic to a different blog and leave Megan's Corner to focus on my life, rather than on my stomach. :) Now don't think I'm separating food from my life...rather I'm giving the food the individual attention it deserves. So head on over and check it out.
http://cre8toeat.blogspot.com -- A Feast for the Senses
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